Conversations with the GodsGoddesses of Olympus
by LisaAbiona15
Summary: The characters of Aremis Fowl might face the biggest threat yet. They are all meeting the gods and talking to them. What follows will be embarressment, horror and fear. Artemis Fowl meets Artemis the goddess. Holly has an interesting conversation with Aphrodite about Artemis (Fowl). Hermes and Mulch discuss thievery. And so on. Contains HxA.
1. Tea Time

***Standing on a stage* Ladies and gentlemen, children and adults, fairies, humans and demigods, I hereby proclaim I don't own Artemis Fowl or Percy Jackson &amp; the Olympians. No need to scream boo or * gets hit by a tomato* Ouch! Don't throw tomatoes and – never mind. I don't own anything. Hope you enjoy it. **

"Oh Holly, daaarling!". Someone called out to Holly. Someone with a sickeningly sweet voice, dripping with honey it seemed. Someone that was the last person Holly wanted to see.

Holly grunted and started walking faster. She was on Olympus, the home of the Greek gods and goddesses. Eros, her grandfather, had invited her to stay with him for a few days or weeks. Depended on how long she could and wanted to stay. And no matter how enchanting Olympus was, no matter how much she loved it here, she didn't intend to stay long. And the main reason for that was her great-great-grandmother.

He owned a mansion close to that of her great-great-grandmother Aphrodite. Which annoyed Holly endless since she didn't like Aphrodite. Not really.

She didn't hate her great-grandmother or anything, but she kept talking about love and other things Holly didn't care about. Aphrodite liked almost all the things Holly couldn't care less for. Aphrodite loved shopping, make-up, make-overs, beauty pageants, talking about boys and meddling with someone's love life. Holly, on the other hands, loved martial arts, her job, flying, arresting people ( it just gave her a thrill), watching movies ( especially the ones with some violence), cycling motors ( Vinyaya had once borrowed her motor to Holly. Which had been her worst mistake ever. Holly had almost destroyed it) and crunchball. All things that her great-great-grandmother found abhorrent.

Holly didn't mind spending some time with her great-great-grandmother, but she didn't want to engage in activities that were not her. That made her feel uneasy and bored.

She was the first female LEP captain. She was always surrounded by males. Almost all her friends were male. She just didn't like to act all girly.

And she certainly didn't like to talk about love all day, which Aphrodite always wanted. She even spied on people to find out who to pair them with and had urged Holly to help her.

Aphrodite always spied on demigods, her favourite couple right now was something she could Percabeth, and she had asked Holly if she could travel to camp half-blood to get two demigods, Aglaia and Achilles( A/N Obviously, I made this up. Aglaia means brilliance. She would be a daughter of Zeus. And Achilles is named after the famous Achilles that fought in the Trojan war. He would be a son of Hermes), to become a couple. Holly had muttered she was busy and had been trying to avoid her great-great-grandmother ever since.

And now she was found again. She tried to act like she didn't hear Aphrodite and walked even faster, but Aphrodite was persistent. She ran towards Holly and gave her a hug. "He silly! I have been yelling your name for the past minutes. Where were you with your thoughts?".

Holly looked at her smiling great-great-grandmother. She was wearing a pink top with a heart on it and a miniskirt. Herappearance shimmered, her hair turning from blond to brown to black and so on. Her eyes changed colours too, first looking green and then blue. And she looked so beautiful Holly felt jealous, something she didn't often feel towards females, no matter how beautiful they were. She didn't care that about beauty.

Right now, Aphrodite was smiling broadly, revealing her straight and white teeth. Holly smiled back. "Eh hello. I was just thinking. I'm sort of in a hurry, so if you don't mind-".

"Oh don't be ridiculous! There is always time for some tea. Besides, I want to discuss something with you".

Holly swallowed, fighting the urge to either attack Aphrodite or run away screaming. The way her great-great-grandmother said it, filled Holly with a dreadful feeling. A mix of fear, nervousness and even a little panic. All her instincts were screaming danger.

Holly had met all the gods and found most gods a lot more intimidating than Aphrodite, but that didn't mean anything. Aphrodite might anything but ominous, but she was still a goddess. And not just a goddess. The goddess of love. Who knew what she might do if Holly made her angry.

Holly shuddered. She _really _didn't want to think about that. So unless she wanted her life to be even more complicated than now, and it sure was complicated considering her best friend was the former criminal and enemy of her people, she could better do what Aphrodite wanted.

Keeping this all in mind, Holly managed a weak smile. "Of course. Tea" she said. Not that she liked drinking tea and chatting, but she shouldn't anger Aphrodite. Even Holly, with her temper, wouldn't try to pull a stunt like that.

Aphrodite nodded, smiled again and started dragging Holly with her. "Exactly. Tea. I have the best flavour ever and such cute little teacups, you will love them! And it will give us some time to chat, because I have something I want to talk about" Aphrodite exclaimed happily.

Holly looked at her. She looked absolutely harmless, but Holly still had that feeling she either had to fight or run for her life. Like she was in more danger than she had ever been. Something in Aphrodite's behavior made Holly's skin crawl and her body tense, ready to either fight or flee.

And the way Aphrodite held her arm, did nothing to calm Holly down. Aphrodite had a surprisingly strong grip for someone who didn't like to fight. Or do anything physically.

"What exactly do you want to talk about?" Holly asked while looking around her, searching for a way to escape.

Aphrodite stopped for a second, before walking even faster than before. Holly, with her short legs, really had trouble following her. Not that she had a choice. Aphrodite was still gripping her arm like she contemplated Holly could run away every second now. She obviously had noticed her great-great-granddaughter's anxiety. And would make sure Holly had no chance of escape.

Aphrodite smiled at her, but it wasn't a particularly nice smile. It reminded Holly too much of some hungry animal for that. She was getting a feeling she was in trouble. A lot. _She isn't planning on meddling with my love life, now is she? I mean, I don't even have one.. _Holly thought, pushing any thought of Artemis Fowl out of her mind. That kiss hadn't counted.

_I only kissed him, because I was so relieved he was alive. We are just friends. Besides, Artemis Fowl would never actually like me that way. And I couldn't like him. _Holly stopped her thoughts when Aphrodite suddenly smirked. _D'arvit. Please say she wasn't reading my thoughts or anything. My life will be ruined if she was. She would never leave me alone. _

Holly stopped herself when she realized she was praying. Aphrodite might actually hear her prayer and , even if she hadn't been reading Holly's thoughts, notice something was wrong. She would never leave Holly alone if she discovered what exactly had happened between her and Artemis Fowl.

Aphrodite smiled at Holly, her grip tightening a little. " I just want to talk to my beautiful great-great-granddaughter. I'm allowed to, aren't ?".

Holly smiled uncomfortably. "Sure. Although I can't think of anything you would want to talk about with me".

Aphrodite giggled. "I can. Come on darling, we are there".

Holly and Aphrodite were standing in front of Aphrodite's palace. It was gargantuan, especially to Holly. It was a castle, seemingly one from a fairy tale, and was all pink.

Holly didn't like pink, but she had to admit the palace was beautiful. It looked like a castle from a fairy tale, with towers, bridges and just that sort of charm. Every little girl would absolutely love it.

A small trap led to the double doors. The double doors were pink too, a lighter colour pink than the rest of the castle, and decorated with different paintings. You could see hearts, turtle doves, swans ( one of her great-great-grandmothers favourite animals), people ( like Adonis) and a painting of her great-great-grandmother herself, looking stunning like always.

Aphrodite used her free hand to push the doors open and dragged Holly inside. The doors immediately shut, making Holly feel more trapped than ever.

Aphrodite finally released her and clapped her hands. "We are inside! Well sweetheart, if you could go to my living room and wait for me. I will get the tea. See you soon darling".

Without giving Holly the possibility to answer, Aphrodite disappeared. She had used her godly powers to teleport to the kitchen. Holly had no idea why she didn't just make tea and cookies appear. Or why she used teleportation for such a short distance.

Holly sighed and looked longingly at the doors. _Maybe I can open them. She didn't take my neutrino.. _

Holly sighed again. She knew that wouldn't work. Those doors were designed to be indestructible. Hephaestus himself had made them. Holly had seen some of his work and knew that she wouldn't be able to break these doors if he had made them.

_Well, then I will go to the living room and await Armageddon_ Holly thought grimly. If he sadistic sense of humour was kicking in, there must be something really bad be happening. Her sense of humour always kicked in when there something really bad happening or about to happen.

Holly walked towards the living room and sat down on one of the couches. Aphrodite had apparently expected her, because it was all her size. Which made Holly relax slightly, although she remained wary, ready to flee when necessary.

Seconds after she sat down, Aphrodite walked in. "Holly. Good, you are here. Now darling, let's have some tea".

Aphrodite filled two cups of tea ( she hadn't lied, they were beautiful) and gave one of them to Holly. She had changed herself into an elf, so she and Holly were around the same size now. Aphrodite was still longer and looked very differently though, with flowing blonde hair and changing eyes- sometimes they were green, sometimes blue.

Smiling, Aphrodite sat down. Holly motioned to her tea cup, which was decorated with beautiful paintings of Pegasi. "Who has made these tea cups? They are beautiful" she asked, trying to avoid the coming conversation of doom.

Aphrodite shrugged. " Athena. She gave them to me as a present for my birthday. She is the goddess of craft, among others. But we aren't here to talk about Athena darling".

She looked at Holly, smiling. Her smile made Holly shudder. It was creepy. She didn't even know why, it just was.

She picked up her cup and took a sip. The tea was absolutely delicious. "Oh. Well, why am I here then?".

Aphrodite smiled. " Well, isn't it obvious? You are here to discuss your feelings for Artemis Fowl, of course".

Holly, who had been very busy drinking her tea, immediately started choking. "W-what?" she managed to choke out. She tried to look innocent and shocked but failed. Well, on the innocent part. She definitely looked shocked.

Aphrodite raised her eyebrows."Well, your human friend of course. Although I'm still not convinced he is human. He reminds me of a child of Athena, with his smartness".

Holly grunted. She knew it had been a bad idea to bring Artemis to Olympus with her, but he been too stubborn to accept her refusal. He had bothered her for days, making endless lists with reasons why he should go until she had snapped at him and given up.

She had never seen him happier. He had actually hugged her, exclaiming she was absolutely astonishing. Two seconds later, he had realized what exactly he was doing, jumped back, and blushed an impressive shade of red.

Holly smiled when she thought how cute he had had looked, blushing like that and talking fast and nervously and- "Stop that!" she snapped.

Aphrodite smiled sweetly. "Stop what sweetheart?'.

"Stop influencing my thought and feelings about Artemis. We are friends, that is all we are".

" I am the goddess of love darling, you can't fool me. I immediately noticed your feelings for Artemis when you two walked into the throne room".

Holly blushed a little under the knowing smirk of her great-great-grandmother. She had to admit to not all her thoughts regarding Artemis had been appropriate. She even had dreamt a few times about him, not that she would ever say that out loud. It was too embarrassing.

" We are only friends!" Holly repeated, hoping Aphrodite would leave her alone. Which she wouldn't , of course. Aphrodite would never leave her alone, not if she could change Holly's mind and meddle with her love life. Her non-existent love life.

" Holly, sugar, we both know that isn't the truth. You and Artemis- he is such a cute boy- are a lot more than friends. What is so hard to accept? Is it the fact that he isn't really muscular and able to defend you, because I know-".

"what! Why on earth would I want him to be muscular? And I can defend myself, I don't need a man to do that!".

"Well, all I was saying that it is nice to know your boyfriend can defend you whenever that is necessary. I mean, your Artemis is cute and all , but-".

"He isn't _my _Artemis" Holly protested.

Aphrodite ignored her protests, waving it off. "Don't act weird darling, of course he is. Anyway, I was saying that someone who is smart is nice and all and he is handsome of course, with those beautiful eyes and all, but it would be nice if he was a little more muscular". Aphrodite smiled at Holly.

"Aphrodite. Milady, whatever. I. Do NOT Have feelings for Artemis Fowl".

Aphrodite smiled. "But you do dear! And why wouldn't you? He is very handsome, a gentleman, very rich, smart and has saved you countless times. Besides, it is the best love of all; forbidden love".

"It is peeeerfect!"Aphrodite squealed and Holly rolled her eyes. The woman was centuries old and still acted like some little fan girl sometimes.

" Firstly; I do not have feelings like that for Artemis Fowl. Secondly; He will never have feelings for me like that. Besides, he has a lot of things I dislike about him. He lies a lot, he hurts those he loves, he was a criminal, he is human and he kidnapped me and brought me in the most dangerous situations!".

" The first one is a lie, the second one isn't true and the rest are things that can be easily solved or you secretly like about him. He lied, but he did it to save his family. He hurts those he love yes, but love is meant to hurt. And I'm convinced you like the fact he was a criminal! Bad boys are sooo attractive. And he kidnapped you, because it was meant to be! You two _belong _together!".

"We don't! There are thousands of reasons we don't belong together and I don't even _love _him or feel remotely attractive to him". Holly was lying of course, but she didn't want to resist she did find him attractive ( more than she ever should) and loved him. It was too embarrassing. And Aphrodite wouldn't stop until they were together if she did admit anything. Not that was willing to stop now.

Holly had jumped up, her hands balled into fists, when Aphrodite smirked. " So you aren't in love with him or are attracted to him? Then, what is _this?" _she said and made an image appear. An image that showed her and Artemis, in the gorilla cage. Holly saw herself rush towards Artemis and cry. Saw herself heal him and kiss him when he opened his eyes.

She touched her lips, that were suddenly tingling, and blushed. " That was a mistake. I was just so relieved he was alive and-".

"And you love him. Just admit it Holly. I am the goddess of love, you can't lie about something like this to me".

Holly frowned. "I'm not in love, I just kissed him because I was confused and-". Aphrodite waved her hand again, this time making a different image appear. A image of Holly in her bed, tossing and turning and moaning Artemis' name.

Holly turned even redder, wishing to just disappear. She really didn't want to see this.

Aphrodite smirked, obviously proud at herself. "Are you going to admit you love him and feel attracted to him or do I have to show you _what _exactly you were dreaming about? And show it to Artemis? ".

Holly widened her eyes. That would be _really _embarrassing. To be caught dreaming something like _that _by the protagonist of those dreams. Holly would probably die of embarressment if Artemis ever discovered the thoughts and dreams she had been having about him lately.

She shook her head. "No, please don't".

"Are you sure, because maybe you need a quick reminder of how –".

"No! I will admit it all right, I like him!".

Aphrodite waved her hand and the image changed, now showing Holly and Artemis, kissing. Artemis slowly started to unbutton Holly's pants in the image.

Holly rushed forward. "No! Don't! Fine, I'm in love with Artemis Fowl, I'm in love with Artemis Fowl!".

Aphrodite smiled and made the image disappear. "I know!" she squealed and hugged Holly. "I'm soo glad for the two of you! It is cute and forbidden! You're like Romeo and Juliet. Oh, this is some love story! Forbidden love, I _love _that".

Holly managed to free herself from Aphrodite's choking hug. "You didn't send that image to Artemis, did you?" she asked, horrified. She would freak out if Aphrodite had. It would be extremely embarrassing if Artemis discovered the role he had played in some of her dreams.

Aphrodite smiled. "No. Not yet. But I will if you are going to deny your feelings again! You two just _have _to be a couple!".

Holly groaned. " But that will never happing! Even if I do love him, there are so many reasons and-".

"Now darling , I don't want to hear them. Love doesn't have any rules or boundaries. And you two will be a couple!".

Aphrodite looked more determined than ever, with an overly enthusiastic look in her eyes. A look that scared Holly. _Who knew Aphrodite would actually be scary? _She thought. Holly surely would have never thought she was before this moment. But she did look scary now. With that crazy, feral look in her eyes. That look that made everyone clear it would happen like Aphrodite would say.

Aphrodite smiled at her and sighed happily. "Holertemis or no wait- Arollo or- I will think of a name later. You and Artemis will be the best couple ever. And I mean Artemis the boy of course, not the goddess. I won't do _that _to you. I'm not that cruel, you know" Aphrodite said, giggling.

Holly took a wary step towards the door. " Yes, sure. Well, this has been nice, but I really must be-".

"STAY!". Holly cowered when Aphrodite suddenly screamed. She looked even scarier now, with glowing, piercing eyes. She reminded Holly of her mother when she was angry. Her mother had always been a calming influence, unless she was angry. Then she made Holly want to curl up and cry.

"But I-".

"But nothing! You will stay or I will show Artemis _all _he dreams you have been having about him".

Holly froze. That would be horrible. " You won't!".

" I will and now _sit down_".

Holly sat and Aphrodite clapped her hands again. "Oh you are soooo my new favourite couple" she said, smiling again. Holly sighed. Who knew that the goddess of love was this good at blackmail?

**All right, this is my first one-shot. I might to a sequel to this, where Artemis discovers Holly is in love, because of something Aphrodite did, but I don't know when. So until then, hope you enjoyed this!.**


	2. Psychology and Pomegranates

**I don't own Artemis Fowl or Percy Jackson &amp; the Olympians. Eoin Colfer &amp; Rick Riordan do. **

"Artemis Fowl" A deep , oily voice said, causing the teenage mastermind to turn around and face the person that was talking to him.

It was a tall man with black hair that almost reached his shoulders. His hair was the colors of ravens and seemed to capture the light, since it was suddenly darker around them. His own hair was slightly lighter, but still black.

His eyes were black like a night without stars or the dark side of the moon. So unlike Artemis' own eyes, one of them being icy blue and the other being a warm hazel.

Despite the complete difference in color, Artemis believed those eyes to hold a great resemblance to his own eyes. People had described him as either a madman or a genius when they had looked into his eyes and Artemis believed this was the same for the man before him.

He was either mad or a genius. Artemis wasn't convinced which one yet. The man had , quite different from his black, piercing eyes and dark hair, also a very pale skin. Like he had never seen the sun.

Artemis was startled when he realized the man and he shared some similiarities. Both either genii or madmen ( Artemis was convinced he wasn't crazy though. All the tests had showed he was just a very intelligent, arrogant asshole). Both with pale skin, like the ridiculous fictional creatures called vampires that were so populair, especially with women.

And, from what Artemis had heart, both misunderstood and feared by the community. They did share quite a few similiarites. Both in pyshical appearance and character or mind.

There was also a great deal of difference between the two though. The man before him was muscular, Artemis was anything but muscular. The man before him centuries old, Artemis not even sure of his age ,thanks to the time paradox, anymore.

And the biggest difference yet; the man was an immortal god while Artemis was a mortal male. The man would live forever while Artemis would grow older and die. The man had unbelievable powers while Artemis only had his intelligence and money.

Another similiarity the two shared was their tendency to be aloof and thanks to that certain character trait, Artemis didn't as much as flinch when the god looked down at him with an indescribable look in his eyes.

Artemis tried to ignore the weird sensation he got from being this close to the god of death, like he was standing near something extremely cold ,but at the same time dizzying. It was very confusing and uncomfortable.

Artemis gave the god a polite nod, trying to read his body language to discover what exactly Hades' mood was. It might help Artemis to be ready for whatever Hades had to say.

Sadly, Hades was even better at hiding his feelings and thoughts, so even Artemis - who knew a great deal about body language and psychology-, didn't know whether the god was angry, happy, disappointed or something else. He would have to talk with Hades without any knowledge of his mood or thoughts. It complicate things slightly.

Artemis tried to make his face an impenetrable mask - meaning there would be no sign of feelings or thoughts on his face- and raised one of his eyebrows slightly.

" Hades".

There was a short pause in which Artemis considered solemny using Hades' name and forget the annoying my lord. He hated saying that. It suggested he, the great Artemis Fowl. was inferior. He would give Hades the upper hand if he called him "my lord". It was simple psychology.

But on the other hand, Hades would most likely send him to the fields of punishment if he didn't say it. Or do something that was even worse. So unfortunately, he didn't have much of a choice. Even if he detested the idea of not having one, there was little he could do.

He had to be careful not to forget what exactly the gods where capable of and be even more careful of his own foible. Hubris. It could be used against him.

Artemis knew he was arrogant and , especially in situations like these, that could get him into trouble. Like when his arrogance and pride made him do some rather dangerous thing, possibly insulting one of the most powerful gods. He couldn't do that, no matter how much he hated to say it.

Deciding his pride was irrelevant right now and he would much rather live and not be punished for eternity, Artemis managed ( with great reluctance and disgust that he tried to hide) to make something that distinctly looked like an obeisance and managed to choke out " my lord". He felt rather humiliated and ridiculous.

Hades raised one of his eyebrows, giving away he had noticed the teenager's discomfort and reluctance, but didn't comment on it.

" Artemis Fowl, I would like to have a word with you, right now".

Artemis tried to hide his curiousity. He wasn't surprised Hades wanted to talk to him - a few gods already had-, but he was curious why Hades wanted to talk to him. The others all had had clear reasons after all.

Athena, because he was a genius and wanted to share her wisdom with him. Aphrodite, because she wanted to say something about Hartemis- and had also said a great deal of things that had made Artemis a color Julius Root would have envied. Hermes, because he was a thief and had some tips for Artemis and also wanted to know how Artemis had managed to steal certain things- like advanced technology from a certain people.

And Artemis had basically wanted to kill him or torture him, but had settled for a less violent action- calling him every nasty creature that had ever existed and demanding he would apologize for having her name, like he actually had chosen the name himself. It had been quite unnerving to see her that angry. Even he had been frightened, not that he had really showed it.

Anyway, all the other gods had had clear reasons to conversate with him, but he couldn't think of some reason that would explain why Hades wanted to talk to him.

_Very peculiar. I do fail to comprehend why he wants to talk to me. Maybe he wants to decide whether I deserve the field of punishment or something else, but that isn't likely. He has judges to decide those things. _

Artemis would have liked to meditate, so he could have thought about why Hades wanted to talk to him and what he , Artemis Fowl, could do about it, but Hades motioned he should follow. He didn't have time to meditate.

Artemis hesitated. He wasn't really eager to follow an very powerful, immortal god that could kill him and torture him for the rest of the existence without his friends or anyone else that might be able to help him.

Besides, Butler would be outraged if Artemis would follow Hades without supervision. And he didn't want to upset his friend after all he had put them through. He wasn't as young and fit as he used to be, after all.

He looked in Butler's direction. Butler was talking to Athena, about battle strategy obviously. He seemed to be very impressed by her, the way he clung to her every word like Artemis had never seen him do before. The goddess obviously had a great deal of knowledge that even Butler could appreciat

Artemis would never call Butler obtuse, but normally he didn't seem interested in all the knowledge Artemis wanted to share with Butler. He was only interested if it could help him protect Artemis, otherways he didn't even really listen.

So it was fascinating to see Butler this caught up in the conversation with the goddess of wisdom. Even if she was talking about battle strategy, something his friends always found interesting, instead of something Artemis would much rather discuss, like evolution. Or physics. Or countless other subjects that had nothing to do with war. He had had enough battles to rest for a lifetime.

Hades, who was still waiting for Artemis to follow him, followed his gaze and raised one of his eyebrows. He had obviously guessed why Artemis hesitated.

" Are you coming Artemis, or are you going to waste hours by staring at your bodyguard?".

Artemis almost gave him an annoyed look, but stopped himself. He couldn't give away any of his feelings, nor could he be even slightly offending to Hades. He had to keep reminding himself of that. Or he would end in the field of punishment while he was supposed to make a fortune for his family.

" No, I most certainly do not intend to do something as peculiar as that. It is just that my family and the Butlers have an arrangement. A Butler is never to leave his master. I do not believe Butler would agree with me leaving with you. There are too many hazards in that certain situation".

Hades chuckled. " So you have to let the babysitter know you have to leave? Or does he has to go with you"? His dark eyes were glistering with equally dark amusement.

Artemis tried very hard not to be annoyed. It was clear the god was just challencing him, trying to get him to leave without Butler. But he wouldn't fall for that.

" We are both fully aware Butler is anything but my babysitter my lord" Artemis responded, his gaze never leaving Butler.

" I am aware of that, but it will be futile to bring him along anyway. If I desire to do so, I could easily eliminate him. But I won't harm him or you. Are you coming?".

Artemis, after looking one more time at Butler, decided that Hades was right and followed him. Even if Butler came along, that wouldn't guarantee Artemis' safety. It would probably only bring Butler into danger.

They left the throne room to gave somewhere more secluded, a little room not too far away. Far enough to be private, but close enough to make a fast escape and get Butler and holly.

There were two chairs, a table, some food and drink in the room. The door could also be locked, so they could hold a private conversation.

When they were both seated, Hades made a gesture and two glasses were filled with a dark ,goldish substance. The door was already locked and there was tray with food on the table.

He immediately took his glas and took a small sip, but Artemis wasn't that eager. He would never blindly trust someone and drink what they offered him. It might be poison after all.

He hold the glass under his nose and inhaled, smelling nothing out of the ordinary. He also hold the glass in the light and tried to discover anything extraordinary, but found nothing. It didn't seem to be poison, althoguh he couldn't be sure.

Finally, he took a small, tentative sip. His eyes widened a little when the taste hit him. It was equisite. Mind-blowing. Sweet, sour and bitter at the same time and yet, tasting neither odd nor bad. Quite the contrary.

It tasted oddly familiar and delicious. It somhow reminded him of carefree, summer days that would be spend with family and friends. It warmed him, both literally and figuratively.

He looked at Hades with renewed curiousity. What exactly had he been drinking?

" If I may be so free, what exactly does my glass contain?" he eventually asked, eager to learn more.

Hades shrugged. " It is an invention from Dionysos. It is like nectar, only it has a different taste and mortal are able to drink it too, not just gods and demigods. Surprisingly, it doesn't even contain alcohol. Or at least not much".

Artemis nodded at this and took another sip. " Fascinating really. I assume this doesn't make the person who absorbs it immortal, like nectar supposedly does?".

" No. But it does have very small healing abilities. If you drink it a lot, for example, your body would get healthier. I am not convinced what would happen, but I believe you would be faster and able to think clearer. Also, you would rarely get ill when you drinks this".

Artemis took another look at the substance. It was a dark gold and seemed to shimmer slightly. It didn't seem extraordinary, apart from the color and taste.

He looked at Hades again, who was studying him while emptying his glas. Those dark eyes seemed to be able to read every thought that crossed Artemis' mind. Hades probably already knew his question, but he asked anyway.

" In that case, would it be doable to transport some of this substance to my laboratory for further inspection?".

" No. But it isn't significant anyway. We still need to talk".

Artemis took another sip, enjoying the flavor, and nodded. " It seems we do. Please do ellaborate what you expect from me, my lord". The last part was said in a slightly mocking tone.

" Very well. Do you the myth about me?". Artemis tried not to show any of his confusion. Again, he had no idea where this was about. Well, he had a vague idea but was still frustrated by his lack of comprehension in this situation. Those gods seemed enjoy confusing him.

" Well, there are various myths about your, naturally, so which one-".

Hades interrupted him. "Persephone" was all he said, but comprehension immediately dawned on Artemis. He knew which story Hades wanted him to tell. The most famous one.

" Summorized, it is a myth about a young girl Persephone- or sometimes Kore- who was gathering flowers when the god Hades spotted her and decided he wanted her. He split the earth in two and kidnapped the young girl. Her mother Demeter, goddess of grain among others, was devastated and spend months searching for her beloved daughter. While she searched for her daughter, she didn't fullfil her duties and the earth and its inhabitants suffered. Nothing grew. People and animals alike were starving. Demeter, who had discovered the father of the girl knew where their daugher was, demanded he would make Hades let her go. But the girl had eaten a pomegranate, that would have kept her in the Underworld forever had it not been for the desperate mother's interference. A compromise was reached. The girl would stay with the god of the Underworld, who was now her husband, for six months and stay with her mother for the other six months".

Hades gave a short nod. "Exactly. And that is why I wanted to talk to you".

" You wanted to talk with me, because you abducted a young woman? I fail to see the connection here".

Hades raised one of his eyebrows. " Well, Artemis I have noticed we have a lot of common. People often think the same about us and we have behave similiar. But one important thing we have in common, is that we both abducted the girl we loved".

Artemis, suddenly convinced where this was about, shook his head. " I didn't. It was pure coincidence that it was Holly whom I abducted and-".

Hades interrupted him." Artemis. Do not contradict me, you know I am right. The circumstances were different, that is true, but the idea is the same. I might have kidnapped Persephone, because I saw her and fell in love with her while you kidnapped Holly in order to rescue your family, but the fact remains we both kidnapped the woman we love".

" Except I don't love Holly and I never attempted to keep her with me". " Firstly, it is clear to me and everyone else you love her. Secondly, you might not have intended to keep her at first, but later on, you wanted to. And you still want to, if you are honest. And thirdly; I just want to say something very important that might make life a little less complicate".

" And what would that be?".

" Simple. The do's and don't s of kidnapping beautiful women".

" I beg your pardon?".

" The rules that apply when you have abducted a beautiful -".

Artemis cut him off, not even caring if that would anger him. He really had enough of his nonsense. It was a complete waste of his the gods have nothing better to do than annoying him?

" I comprehended the first time, but this is all utter ridicule. Why would I require this information?".

" Simple. Because it can save you from certain situations. And now silence and listen boy, I am actually trying to help you".

After another look at Hades, who seemed annoyed and a lot more dangerous, Artemis decided it would be wiser to listen. He didn't want to anger the god of death, he wasn't stupid.

Hades seemed satisfied now Artemis was silent and prepared to listen to him and immediately started. " Okay rule one; do NOT mess with the annoying mother-in-law".

" Holly's mother is deceased"Artemis remarked.

" Lucky you" was all Hades had to say to that, not even bothering to look interested.

Artemis frowned, finding this rather rude. It wasn't a very nice thing to say about someone's mother. Hades didn't pay attention to that anymore though.

" Secondly; find a way to make her accept your proposal. Like feeding her a pomegranate".

" I am not really enthusiastic about marriage. Besides, this is completely irrelevant since Holly and I are a different species and-".

" Shut _up". _

Artemis decided he could better follow Hades' suggestion and just listen. The god seemed prepared to turn him into a pomegranate.

" Okay thirdly; do NOT let your mother in law live with you. She will drive you crazy and make you want to jump into Tartarus".

Artemis believed it wouldn't be wise to point out Holly's mother would be unable to live him, because she wasn't alive. He did think it that Hades payed attention to him anyway.

It went on like that; Hades giving all kind of tips and warning until Artemis felt like his head would explode. He didn't want to hear all those rules. He would never use them anyway.

And even if he did marry Holly, which he wouldn't, her mother was dead so most of the rules didn't apply to him. He couldn't lock his mother-in-law in the fields of Asphodel. Or hide her cereal, so she would be occupied with searching it and not longer bother you. Or place her behind a plow, which she always wanted to do with you.

So basically, he had spend hours in a room talking about rules that didn't apply to him and were therefore quite futile. He didn't tell Hades this though. It would only offend and anger the god. And Artemis really didn't want that.

Besides, it might have a use in the future. Like when he actually wanted a wife. It had even given him some ideas. Yes, Artemis decided, he could do with one of his pomegranates. He actually was happy that Hades had told him some things about the reality behind the Greek myths.

Hades wasn't that happy though. Thanks to his little 'talk' with Artemis, he was now stuck with a certain psychologist of one Artemis Fowl. And one of the most annoying man ever.

The psychologist insisted he didn't belong here, that he had only eaten a weird kind of fruit offered by some pale boy and suddenly couldn't get away anymore. He didn't stop talking after that. Not even when Hades explained what had happened, who he was and had ordered the man to shut up.

While Hades had to deal with a man who insisted he could 'help' him and cure him from his suicidal tendencies, Artemis Fowl was in his study, smirking. He knew paying that pale boy with black hair to lure his psychologist to the Underworld and give him a pomegranate would have some pleasurable result. The insufferable man would never dare to say he, Artemis Fowl the second, was wrong ever again...


	3. Forbidden fruit

**I don't own Percy Jackson &amp; the Olympians nor do I own Artemis Fowl.**

**Warning; The Aphrodite in this fic is a little crazy. Or actually quite a lot. But that is because she is obsessed with making people get together. This is also just a little crack-y.**

**I probably need to edit this later, but I don't have time right now, so it will have to do.**

**Enjoy!**

_I really should resume working on something that would be able to stop these inane hormones. I am wasting too much valuable time on staring at women _Artemis thought while his normal smart comments were prevented from escaping his mouth by said mouth being occupied with making a little drool escape instead.

His eyes were bugging a little and he tried _really _hard to stop looking so flabbergasted and a little captivated, but it was difficult. Really difficult.

Because in front of him, was one stunning love goddess that was smiling at him. And not just smiling. It was the kind of smile toothpaste models had, the kind that won awards, the kind that really caught people's attention.

_D'arvit. Even her smile makes me stare. I really ought to stop this staring, it's such a waste of ability. _

But Artemis couldn't. For some reason, he couldn't stop staring.

Probably because Aphrodite looked currently a lot like Holly , but an girly, taller version of Holly. In a dress. A very skimpy dress. A very skimpy dress that flashed thighs and legs at Artemis and made him wonder if Holly would look this great in a dress too.

And then made him beat himself up for thinking about Holly short in a dress.

_That _would not aid him or be conductive at all. Although the knowledge that it would only worsen his situation only made him think all the more about it. About a short, clingy dress on a certain Captain Short..

He could ask one of his designers to make the perfect dress for her, one that went with her darker complexion and auburn hair, one that would go perfectly with one of his elegant suits so they would look great together on one of his mother's functions.

It shouldn't be too difficult to coax Holly into going with him. She _did _like saving him, after all. She had proven that time and time again by saving him when he somehow had ended in a dangerous situation. And he certainly needed saving , saving from his mother that was obsessed with finding him a girl.

Not that he would say it in that way. No, he would be a lot more subtle when coaxing Holly into accompanying him.

" Aaaaw. You're adorable!".

A high-pitched, gushing voice suddenly rose Artemis from his thoughts and he frowned. He hated it when someone interrupted his scheming.

He focused his attention on Aphrodite again and managed to do so without staring or drooling this time, thankfully.

" Lady Aphrodite, I can assure you I am no such thing".

Artemis nearly rolled his eyes at the way 'Lady' Aphrodite was behaving; like a gossiping teenager. He hadn't anticipated a millennia old goddess would behave so childish.

She giggled. " Believe me, you're are".

She winked at him. " But don't be afraid, I won't tell your little secret".

Artemis raised an eyebrow. " My little secret? I wasn't aware I had one".

She smiled. Or smirked really. Devilishly. So .. evil Artemis actually felt compelled to take a step back. How did this woman suddenly manage to look so threatening?

" Oh, you know, you secret crush on one Holly Short and the fact you – quite like a normal teenager- want nothing more to get in her pants".

She frowned. " Or her uniform actually, because the woman almost never wears anything else".

" That is ridiculous!".

" I know, right? She should totally wear a skirt sometimes, or a dress or something that actually shows that figure of her. She dresses as though she was a man".

" Not that! I was referring to the fact that you believe I have romantic feelings for captain Short".

" Captain short? So you're into uniforms and titles? Do you have some odd fetish for authority darling?".

Artemis flushed bright red. " No! I do not have a fetish for anything".

" Well, you're wrong there ,dear. Everyone has a fetish. But let's not talk about that. Let's focus on the fact that you're completely smitten!'.

" I am not-".

Aphrodite glared at him. " Do you honestly want to fight me, the goddess of _love _, on this? Because I can assure you, that isn't a fight you will win".

Artemis sighed and massaged his temples. He really wished he had never asked Holly if he could accompany her to Olympus. All these deities did , was give him massive headaches.

" Lady Aphrodite, I assure you I have no- ".

Aphrodite rolled her eyes. " Save it already, dear. I _know _the truth. You're not going to make me believe your little delusion".

She leaned back in her chair, looking at Artemis in a way that made him feel like a mouse in front of a smirking, rose-scented cat.

" Or do I need to show you something, like I did with my beloved great-granddaughter?".

Artemis frowned. " You have spoken to Holly concerning non-existent romantic feelings?".

Aphrodite pursed her lips and glared at him. " I have spoken to her about how you are both totally crushing on each other and how you should totally get together!".

She sighed dreamily. " Especially since it is so forbidden and some would view it was wrong. That makes it ten times more romantic!".

" What is so romantic about Holly being exiled , ridiculed and losing all she holds dear?".

" So you admit you like her!".

" I admit that any romantic relationship between us is strictly forbidden, not that either of us are desiring to pursue any romantic relationship".

" Urgh. You're impossible".

" I beg your pardon? I am no-".

" Yes, you are! Why can't you just admit you're in love with Holly, date her, propose to her and get her knocked up? It isn't that difficult!".

Artemis was speechless for a moment at the thought of a pregnant Holly.

Aphrodite immediately noticed the return of his flabbergasted expression and decided to test the waters a little.

" I mean, I won't live forever! Okay, _I _will, but you two won't. And I won't great-grandchildren or something before you two die. You _do _realize it isn't possible to get children when you're in the Underworld, don't you?".

" Yes, milady I was in fact aware it is impossible to reproduce when you're no longer alive" Artemis said, recovering from his stupor and giving her a _duh _look , annoyed by the weirdest and quite possibly stupidest question in existence.

Aphrodite completely ignored him. " I mean, you only live like hundred years and you're only able to get cute children until the age of forty or so. Well, Holly is an elf, so that would be the elf equivalent of forty. And men are fertile for like forever, but they are getting less fertile. So you have to hurry!".

Aphrodite leaned towards a now staring – but for a _very _different reason than before- Artemis and whispered conspiratorially. " Wouldn't a child with Holly's beautiful hazelnut eye be amazing? And I happen to know Holly really likes people with black hair and ice blue eyes. Totally her type".

She leaned back with a satisfied smirk. " So you see, everything is already arranged. You're Holly's type, Holly is your type and your children will be adorable".

She sipped a glass of nectar that suddenly appeared and gave Artemis another award-winning smile. " You're welcome, cutie".

Artemis just gave her a look - the kind of look that said; you're completely insane, but I am not about to say that, because that won't end well- and sighed. " Lady Aphrodite, with all due respect, _not _everything is arranged. Firstly, Holly and I do not have romantic feelings for each other. Secondly, I certainly have no secret wish to – he cleared his throat awkwardly- reproduce with anyone. And thirdly, even if we _did _have romantic feelings for each other and did want to reproduce it would be impossible. I don't know if you have noticed, but there are certain differences between our anatomy that would make it.. impossible to reproduce".

Aphrodite had gone very still by the end of Artemis' speech and now simply sat there , staring at him.

Artemis was actually getting a little nervous by the way her left eye had started twitching, her hand was clutching her glass of nectar and her nostrils flared.

_Posture tense, nostrils flaring, eye twitching, those are all signs of an upcoming anger attack. Is there any possible way to calm her down? Any way to run when she decides to simply kill me ? _

_Of course not, she is a deity, I simply cannot outrun her. But I can outsmart her. _

_Think about it. What are the foibles of a love goddesses? Chocolate? Roses? Doves? She loves all those things, I know that. But what- _

Artemis rose from his spiraling thoughts when Aphrodite slammed her glass down on the table and pushed herself up, the eye twitch worsening.

She somehow managed to tower over Artemis without really being that much taller. Even with impossibly high heels on, she still wasn't that much taller. She apparently had decided to be on the small side, like her great-great-granddaughter.

Artemis stared at those dangerously high heels that made Aphrodite able to tower over him.

_You could injure someone with those heels, certainly not assassinate them but injuring them would be very easy. _

" Artemis Fowl the second, do NOT defy me! If you don't admit your feelings and jump Holly's bones, I will make your life _very _miserable" Aphrodite hissed in Artemis' face., successfully drawing Artemis' gaze from the murder weapon that were her high heels.

" I will ensure you never find any true love, that anyone who ever loves you will be punished for that and I will make you fall in love with someone that is so bitchy and awful she will tempt you into committing suicide!" Aphrodite ranted , terrifying and startling Artemis.

_Note to self; refrain from speaking to love goddesses ever again. Or simply go along with whatever delusional ideas they have. _

Aphrodite took one more step towards Artemis and grabbed his tie, pulling him towards her until they were nose-to-nose. " Try to fight your feelings for Holly in any way, try to ruin my plans for you two and you will be very sorry Artemis. Do I make myself clear?".

Artemis smiled weakly. " Inescapably so, lady Aphrodite".

Aphrodite let him go and smiled brightly. " Great! So no problems then. Very good".

She took a step back and gave Artemis another bright smile that pretty much freaked him out. " Just give me a minute".

Aphrodite snapped her fingers and a giant floating board with names on one side, pearls in oysters on another, an assortment of food and machines on the third and notebooks – which were bright pink with feathers, naturally- on the fourth appeared.

" This is my board of love" Aphrodite explained while she scribbled something on a post-it note and put it in one of the notebooks. Artemis noticed that particular notebook had Hartemis written on it in big letters, but decided he would probably be better off not knowing.

" It has the names of all people that either should be a couple, are a couple or will be made a couple by me for some reason. It also has anything that might help me when I need two people to either bang each other or fall in love- such as aphrodisiacs".

Aphrodite smiled and nodded at a delicious looking oyster that was between the assortment of food and machines.

Then she pointed at the other two sides of the boards. " The notebooks have information about any couple or people that belong together in them, as well as my plans with them , couple names and other things that have to do with those people. And the pearls are magical and have various uses. Such as storing memories".

Aphrodite clapped her hands and turned around. The board disappeared, slowly fading away when she snapped her fingers again.

" So. Now that's done, I am afraid you must go dear. I have many other things to do , couples to get together, people to spy on, men and women to shoot and stuff".

She waved her hand and two white doors suddenly appeared, decorated with doves and little shells above them. They opened to reveal a long hallway.

" Just follow this hallway and you will end up in the throne room. That's where Holly is right now".

" Th-".

" We will talk about the right way to admit your unwavering and everlasting love to someone of a different species next time. Be sure you know her favorite flower, color and dice by then. Oh and learn some love poems! Especially ones with the word Holly in it".

Artemis opened his mouth to say something like; Ehm what? Or , seeing as this was Artemis Fowl ; Could you kindly elaborate on your peculiar demand? , but Aphrodite quickly embraced him, kissed him ( on his cheek) and pushed him into the hallway.

The doors then slammed close in the face of one severely puzzled mud boy.

Aphrodite turned around and rubbed her hands in true villain fashion, smirking while she sank in her comfy chair and ordered her board to appear again. She studied it while eating her favorite chocolates – cinnamon flavored- and smirked when it showed the image of what had quickly became her favorite 'video' ; the kiss in the gorilla cage.

"Now, how to get this mud boy to taste Holly's forbidden fruit?" she muttered.

**I also don't own Once Upon A time. From which the last line more or less is. **

**And I read somewhere if you toss an apple at someone, that this is an ancient Greek marriage proposal. Any idea if this is true? And if it is, should Aphrodite use it in operation Hartemis? **

**This will be continued, by the way. **


End file.
